Why do I need to lie about myself in my own country?
In my own country, I had to lie about myself. No I am not a fugitive. I am simply a person with Bihari roots.
Yesterday I went to see a flat (we’ve got to shift), and the landlady kept asking us, among other directives like “don’t bring girls here…”, “Is any of you Bihari? Because we don’t want to have Biharis in our house.”. Even though we kept telling her that one of us is a Marathi (to which she looked visible pleased) and I am a Bengali (owing to the “truth” that I come from Calcutta), it felt wrong, and I decided not to ever return to that place.
I never came across anyone in my 20 year long stay in Calcutta, or year long stay in various places in Jharkhand, who would tell me that they would not want a Marathi, Tamilian or Gujarati as a tenant.
Having said that, she has not done anything illegal. She owns the place and she has the right to have her reservations. But the underlying assumptions and intent behind that decision disturbs me.
Why do I need to lie about myself in my own country?
Yesterday I went to see a flat (we’ve got to shift), and the landlady kept asking us, among other directives like “don’t bring girls here…”, “Is any of you Bihari? Because we don’t want to have Biharis in our house.”. Even though we kept telling her that one of us is a Marathi (to which she looked visible pleased) and I am a Bengali (owing to the “truth” that I come from Calcutta), it felt wrong, and I decided not to ever return to that place.
I never came across anyone in my 20 year long stay in Calcutta, or year long stay in various places in Jharkhand, who would tell me that they would not want a Marathi, Tamilian or Gujarati as a tenant.
Having said that, she has not done anything illegal. She owns the place and she has the right to have her reservations. But the underlying assumptions and intent behind that decision disturbs me.
Why do I need to lie about myself in my own country?
Labels: society, what went wrong?, wtf
posted by Hypnos @ 11:48 am
15 Comments:
At 6 April 2009 at 22:11 ,
Robin said...
Atleast you had the option to lie.. Think what would have happened if it is a Muslim and his name gives himself away..
God Save India!
At 7 April 2009 at 00:15 ,
Hypnos said...
Oh I was wondering that... I thought of asking her if she's okay with Muslims or Christians - one of my flatmates is a Christian :)
Oh, and thank goodness my surname is so generic that it does not give away my ethnicity - people stare at me in disbelief when I tell them I'm a Bihari :)
At 7 April 2009 at 10:56 ,
Unknown said...
Dude, for understanding her intentions, you have to be a Maharashtrian :-). She must also be a Shiv Sainik :)). Somehow there is a preconceived notion of Biharis with all the things vile :-P.
At 7 April 2009 at 11:47 ,
Hypnos said...
@Prasad
You are no less a Maharashtrian than she is, neither is my Ulhasnagri flatmate. Give some credit to Maharashtrians :)
In Bihar too, lately the stereotype for Maharashtrian is shaping up in a certain format, because of you know who all, but I have not come across anyone who would take it so seriously - it’s almost always mentioned as a joke.
At 7 April 2009 at 14:38 ,
the big k said...
I'm sorry to hear your experience. Even in my society, one of the flat owners rented his flat to 4 outsider (non-maharashtrian) folks; two of them being from Bihar. For the next 4 months; all the neighboring flat owners had to go to hell (in their own words). The guys continued to enjoy (all sorts of enjoyment avenues) ignoring the notices from the society managers. Then they had to vacate the house on a two day notice.
Then, the society decided not to rent any flat to anyone from UP/Bihar.
I've to agree with Prasad: Somehow there is a preconceived notion of Biharis with all the things vile :-P
At 7 April 2009 at 14:44 ,
Pallavi said...
But how does that matter in first place if one is a bihari, punjabi, muslim, sikh, hindu or a christen.... and why should I even lie about it...?
I am what I am! and if the lady prefers a bad character person who is a marathi over a nice bihari as a tenant then the loss is hers.. But why did you not try and reason it out with her, even though you decided not go back and she can decide who she wants to let out the place too.
The prob is we don't correct when we think someone is wrong, we just accept it, make it a discussion point later but not with the person go brought up this issue
At 8 April 2009 at 08:14 ,
Unknown said...
Pallavi, it matters ... it matters since a lot of your characteristics are shaped knowingly and unknowingly simply based on the fact where you come from. Amit is NOT your stereotype Bihari ... because he has been raised in Kolkatta, he attends Durga Pooja, he eats sandesh ... no, If any geography is to be associated with him, it will be WB :-)
At 8 April 2009 at 10:42 ,
Pallavi said...
Prasad, I was born in a hindu sikih family but i follow Islam as my religion from childhood ( I am not saying this to give an example but this is a fact)... I have never felt the need to hide this fact.. people do get curious to know why and how and my only answer to that is.. I believe in it and hence i follow it... but why should it matter in first place, is my question? I thought we live in a free country and I am proud of what I am! why this discrimination based on my roots, background, culture or religion..
Is it not important that I am a responsible citizen irrespective of the fact where I come from
At 8 April 2009 at 11:53 ,
Hypnos said...
@K
And I forgot... a sample space of one makes for bad statistical inferences :P
At 9 April 2009 at 11:03 ,
the big k said...
@Amit: I'm not generalizing. However, the fact is that most of the Marathi people do think people from Bihar are going to cause trouble; whatever may be the reason.
At 9 April 2009 at 11:26 ,
Pallavi said...
@ Big K? but why should it bother anyone in first place where I am from or what is my relgion?
do you ask a person what part of the country he/she belongs to before becoming friends with them???
i think you are a marathi- do you also think most biharis mean trouble?
At 9 April 2009 at 11:46 ,
Hypnos said...
@K
We all know that fact. What worries me is why is the fact there? Why are people eager to generalise based on limited information they have about other people?
Were the trouble-making kids raised in a violent home? Were they bullied at school or ragged mercilessly in their college, due to which they turned out this way? When someone would try to infer these from their behaviour it makes sense, because they are related issues.
But when you are eager to draw an inference about the province they belong to (and don’t tell me it’s just others K, you promptly came up with that example of your neighbour didn’t you?) rather than things related to behaviour, it’s disturbing?
What if I now tell you that the trouble-makers would have been from Darbhanga or Gaya and not from Chhapra because Chhapra people do not act that way? Does it make sense?
What if tomorrow a Bengali in Calcutta refuses to give a Marathi a flat thinking that Marathis are known for beating up people in the name of culture?
Do we get upset when Americans who have never been to a foreign country call India a land filled with cowdung and snake-charmers, and visualise all of us as turban-wearing dark-skinned emaciated people who only walk funny and bow down to anyone who’s fairer to them? Did we get hurt by stories of Americans attacking Sikhs post 9/11 because they wore turbans? If we did, and yet this anti-Bihari behaviour does not disturb us, then there seems to be something wrong somewhere.
At 9 April 2009 at 11:51 ,
Pallavi said...
@ Amit... Point well said,
I hope we do get an answer to the Why? at least from the people interacting on this forum.
At 9 April 2009 at 17:18 ,
Hypnos said...
Typo...
"...rather than things related to behaviour, it’s disturbing?"
intended it as
"...rather than things related to behaviour, it’s disturbing."
At 8 May 2009 at 18:21 ,
Anonymous said...
Let me highlight the reason out of my own experience. It is Pune Amit, full of such people. I'm a Marathi myself. But I have faced similar situation in Pune. I faced the music for coming from a city less liked, Nagpur. Finally we got to rent an apartment owned by a Marwari.
@Pallavi: There is no point in finding out the reason. People are people and people have opinions. And it difficult to change them when they are politically influenced.
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